As I am staring at my project, at all the codes, running the game and testing the things I just added, there are times when I can’t help but just stand up, walk around the house, look out the window, or enter my dark and silent bedroom. Then I’d come back and sit down before the computer, thinking about life again.
I think about the past, and of course I thought about the day when this idea came to my mind, the very day I told myself that I needed to make this game, and try my best to complete it.
It’s been two weeks of almost lifeless programming.
Have I achieved what I set out to achieve?
I also begin to wonder whether I will be able to finish this project at all. I’d say “Yes I can!”, but in one week’s time, school will start and we have to work on our Major Project.
I predict it to be a very stressful time when we have to really slog and put a lot of effort into. That is quite bad since I may not be able to work on my own project as much as I can now when the holidays still last.
I also start to think that perhaps I should have begun to realise that I should not have waited until my third year to start my own project. All this time, I had waited, thought that by the end of three years, I would be able to make my first working game!
I was wrong.
At the end of two years of school, I had come to a realisation. It was not a surprising one, but it was just something I had to accept.
Accept that even after another year of studying, I would not be able to make a game at all.
Maybe I should have started learning by myself sooner, perhaps…when I used to have more time, at least I could put the time to better use.
As if things aren’t bad enough, there is another distraction in July aside from Major Project. I’ve actually been looking forward and preparing for July (to play a game), but well…it seems that I might have to choose between working on this project, or playing the game which I have actually been anticipating for a few months. No doubt after waiting for so long, I would want to play…but now with this project in the way, I know that I have to sacrifice one thing, no matter what choice I make.
But back to flash games, I think this might probably be the only flash game I can create – the first, and only. It kind of saddens me a bit, because I actually had ideas for other games too, but at least I think if I were to choose any one game to make, I’d say I made the right choice of making Introvert. I have never had such a strong desire to create a flash game until I got the idea for Introvert. A desire so strong that it could make me so eager to see its completion.
I reflect endlessly as I work on this, the evening passes like a breeze, the nights turn into mornings, hours pass by swiftly that in just a few hours from now, when I look out my window, what I expect to be a black sky, would instead be a blue morning sky.
I guess that’s all for my reflections. Now…it’s back to coding.